Trying

I will tell you what I see at night, when I close my eyes.
When the world is asleep and quiet, when darker energies preside.
I see inside my mind, a desolate scape of land.
With dark rocks reaching for the sky, as they rise up from the sand.

A sky of ruby red, with clouds as black as night.
That move across my vision, blocking out the light.
I turn in place and look around, seeking some way home.
But rock and sand are all there is, no exits become known.

I walk for miles and nothing changes, the landscape stays the same.
I call for help and beg forgiveness, but no relief ever came.
As I walk it dawns on me, I'm walking in my mind.
There are no exits from it, at least none I'll want to find.

I know that I create it, that it comes from deep within.
And I know I need to change it, perhaps that's where I begin.
Desolate and lonely are part of my own defence.
Self fulfilling prophecies I've nurtured in descent.

So now I know I need to change, and know it can be done.
The question now is how to change, it might not be much fun.
So I look at sand and rock, at clouds and ruby skies.
They represent reality, they represent my ties.

Changing will be painful, it will need both strength and time.
And I can't do it all alone, but seeking help is not a crime.
So that is what I'm asking, from those that love and care.
Understand I am trying and offer me a prayer.