I will tell you what I see at night, when I close my eyes.
When the world is asleep and quiet, when darker energies preside.
I see inside my mind, a desolate scape of land.
With dark rocks reaching for the sky, as they rise up from the sand.

A sky of ruby red, with clouds as black as night.
That move across my vision, blocking out the light.
I turn in place and look around, seeking some way home.
But rock and sand are all there is, no exits become known.

I walk for miles and nothing changes, the landscape stays the same.
I call for help and beg forgiveness, but no relief ever came.
As I walk it dawns on me, I'm walking in my mind.
There are no exits from it, at least none I'll want to find.

I know that I create it, that it comes from deep within.
And I know I need to change it, perhaps that's where I begin.
Desolate and lonely are part of my own defence.
Self fulfilling prophecies I've nurtured in descent.

So now I know I need to change, and know it can be done.
The question now is how to change, it might not be much fun.
So I look at sand and rock, at clouds and ruby skies.
They represent reality, they represent my ties.

Changing will be painful, it will need both strength and time.
And I can't do it all alone, but seeking help is not a crime.
So that is what I'm asking, from those that love and care.
Understand I am trying and offer me a prayer.

  For the last couple of weeks I haven't been my happy go-lucky self. It's been a combination of things; sick kid, sick me, lack of sleep, too much to do ... basically life. With all that, I've felt like I've been running around in circles and getting nothing done. I've been down on myself, down on my ability to write and down on my ability to keep this dream alive. I've allowed stress and worry to steal the last couple of weeks from me and I'm a little grumpy with myself for letting it happen. 

  I've been accused on occasion of spending too much time in my own head. Now, in some ways I think this is an absolutely stupid thing to say to an author. I mean seriously, I'm currently trying to make a living by telling the stories in my head... but in fairness I know that's not what they mean. So, I thought I might take a shot of explaining why and see if it makes any sense to anyone. 

  I sometimes feel that the world we live in is too mundane, that there should be more - more joy, more passion, more wonder. Let me try this again, my life is pretty good. Loving gf, incredible daughter, wonderful family - all the things that should spell contentment, but something is missing. Where's the magic? Where's the adventure? 

  I see the world differently than most - or so I've been told. My gf describes it as 'seeing the world with childlike wonder'. Let me try to explain - my gf loves games, silly songs, and generally all the fun of childhood - an adult who loves to play, basically. I do as well, but I also see the world in a totally different way. Where she sees the scaffolding next to a building, I see a playground for sprites and pixies. Where she sees people going about their business, I see elves, dwarves, trolls and gnomes hiding from sight. 

  As children we see a larger world. We see coloured lights around people, we sense the nature of people - both good and bad, we're certain that there are monsters under the bed and things lurking in the shadows. And then, we age, we are taught to put away childish thoughts and accept that none of those things exist. Why? Why do we take the magic away from our children? Personally, I think our world is desperately craving a little magic. I think that the popularity of a great number of movies, books and television is due to a desperate need for a little bit of adventure.

  Amusing Aside - my lovely gf has just cautioned me to remember my brand and future endeavours. Translation: don't say anything too crazy. lol  

  Anyway, with that caution in mind and to wrap up this blog, I would like to suggest that everyone take a moment to look at the world through the eyes of a child. Take a minute to see it the way they do... you may find the adventure you crave. As for me, I will continue to tell my stories while I wait, with mounting impatience, for magic to return to the world. :D
 

  
  

Is it just me or has anybody else noticed that an awful lot of people seem to be really unhappy. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about people in foreign countries facing war, genocide and extreme poverty and hunger. Or even those closer to home enduring those same things (though I think the idea of people in first world countries facing those things will spark an entirely different rant - I mean, hunger and poverty in the supposedly advanced nations? Seriously?) 

This is my first ever blog and I have to admit that the concept is kind of strange to me. The idea that anyone wants to read my musing and thoughts seems a little egotistical of me. :D But then again, I am an author and I'm comfy that at least some out there are reading my books. So who knows, maybe people like my thoughts. 

For my first blog, I thought I might talk about this process. It's been a strange one, jumping both feet into the digital world and likely its been long in coming. I mean, I've had my books available on Amazon for a while now, it only makes sense that I take better advantage of all the tools at my disposal. As it stands, I've got the basics of a page ready to go and just have to hit the publish button. (If you're reading this, then it is likely safe to assume that I've gone and done just that.) I'm sure there will be many changes to the site over time as my learning curve improves, but you've got to start somewhere.

Its funny, cause that in itself is an interesting idea. 'You've got to start somewhere.' You really do. I mean I'm 41 years old and have quit my job as an Vision Centre Manager/Optician to pursue the crazy dream of being an author. I know I've had some successes already (my first book - 'The Hammer's Fall' is still doing well, while my second - 'The Axe's Edge' is building). But even so, it's a big step. Giving up that regular pay cheque and hoping that my art can sustain me. It's an incredibly scary feeling and, honestly, I was terrified before I did it. 

May I just say, for the record, that it was the best decision I've ever made. Nothing has ever felt so right or filled me with so much joy. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I will never go back to the way things were. So, a little unsolicited advice - when you have a dream, chase it. It's just that simple.